Note To Colonial Gallery: Hide Food When Jacobsen Approaches

By David R. Holland, Contributor

FORT WORTH, TX -- One of the great spots at Colonial Country Club to watch golf is behind the ninth green. The second shot to this par 4 demands perfection. Hit it short and water guards the front of the green. Hit it long and you are in with the spectators with a tricky downhill shot toward the water that requires the touch of a baby hummingbird brain surgeon.

Most of the gallery arrives early with portable lawn chairs, Texas picnic snacks and sets up camp for a long day of pro golf stargazing. You are always rewarded with a variety of shots.

Last year the gallery was in place on Thursday’s first round when a late-arriving lady sat down in a canvas fold-up armchair -- you know, the kind you buy at Sam’s Club. She had a white paper bag and just as she pulled out her Whataburger with cheese, Peter Jacobsen flew the green and his ball landed smack dab in her lap.

“Don’t move,” the marshal shouted.

The lady sat there as still as a bow hunter with a gobbler in his sights -- afraid to make the slightest move. As Jacobsen got closer you could see his eyes light up. The biggest ham on the PGA Tour was starting to chuckle just slightly under his breath.

Then he moved within a couple of feet of the statue of a woman holding her Whataburger. What self control. She was starving. She wanted a bite in the worst way. And then Mr. Jacobsen’s face turned very serious. He paced in thought just for dramatic effect. Then pounced upon the woman’s hamburger and took a big bite.

The gallery burst out in laughter.

Food in Texas is serious business. Peter Jacobsen knows that.

OK, for you visitors who don’t live in Cowtown here are a few tips about grub in the Lone Star State. These are the spots, away from the strip malls and the chain food brokers.

First you gotta understand the Texas Trio -- Tex-Mex, BBQ or barbecue and chicken-fried steak.

If there was a fourth it would be Whataburger, which after 50 years, ranks kinda like the In and Out Burgers of California -- a long-time tradition and a great relief when you are craving some grease.

No. 1: First of all us Texans like our Tex-Mex traditional -- rice and beans, enchiladas, tacos, chalupas and lots of chips and salsa. If the salsa isn’t hot enough to make us sweat then it ain’t real salsa. But, the great thing about our Mexican food is that we like the new-fangled stuff too -- chile rellenos, fajitas, flautas, burritos covered with green chile sauce from Hatch, New Mexico and lots of sopapillas with honey.

The touristas, celebrities and limos will navigate toward Joe T. Garcia’s, where you get lots of local ambience and over-priced Mexican food. The natives might go to Fiesta Mexican Restaurant, just minutes from Colonial Country Club on Hemphill, for the real stuff at reasonable prices.

There’s also the funky Campo Verde in Arlington on 303. Here you can get great food in a year-around Christmas atmosphere. They never take down their Holiday lights and ornaments.

Other places for downtown-area lunch near Colonial, includes Benito’s on Hemphill and LaFamilia on West 7th Street.

You can still get an enchilada plate for lunch in Fort Worth for $3.99 -- as they say -- no place but Texas.

No. 2: BBQ or barbecue. The first thing to do when you enter a BBQ place you have never visited is to look for the freebie relish bar. This is where you get onions, pickles, jalapeños and extra BBQ sauce. If there is no relish bar then you know the place is owned by Yankees or foreigners -- of course, most Texans think Oklahomans are foreigners. Turn and
run for the door like a scalded dog.

There have been some legends in Texas BBQ over the years -- Stubbs and Underwood’s in Lubbock, Rudy’s which got its start in Leon Springs and is a Hill Country favorite. The Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex has lots of the chains including Colter’s and Spring Creek. If you like it over-priced try County Line.

Fort Worth local favorites are Angelo’s on White Settlement Road and Riscky’s Bar-B-Q on Main Street.

No. 3: Chicken-fried steak, cream gravy, black-eyed peas and cornbread -- Texans love this meal. Foremost the cream gravy and the black-eyed peas have a must ingredient that is added while cooking -- bacon grease. The best way to enjoy this meal is with the cream gravy on top of the steak. Then cut the cornbread in half, add the peas with some of the natural juice and then sprinkle tabasco or pepper sauce on top of that.

Massey’s on Hemphill is famous for this Texas treat along with Babe’s in Roanoke.

For breakfast? Try Paris Coffee Shop just south of downtown at Hemphill and Magnolia. This is vintage Fort Worth. Can’t get dinner here, but lunch is also served.

Hamburgers? Perhaps one of the longest-standing burger joints started at Kincaid’s, an old grocery store, where you order your burger at a walk-up counter. It’s on Camp Bowie and still has the old-fashioned storefront look.

Steaks? A couple of long-standing anchors of beef are Williams Ranch House on Jacksboro Highway and the Cattlemen’s Steak House, with a 1950s atmosphere, on Main Street. Folks have also been known to take the drive to Ponder for the Ranchman’s Cafe.

So there you have it. Places the locals frequent in Cowtown.